I'm excited.
I'm anxious.
I'm just wishing that I were already at college.
College is just a week away for me, but all of my friends are gone to their respective colleges at this point and I am still here. Stuck. Bored. Annoyed. Waiting to get to college.

I have a theory.
I think I have figured out the general way my life operates. It seems that I am only content with my life and its current state for a couple months at a time, but if nothing really changes after a couple months I become restless. I start needing, craving something that is different than my current way of life. It doesn't have to be something I haven't experienced before...it just needs to vary from what I'm presently doing each and every day.

For example, if I am in school, working, and dating someone all will seem well for a couple months. But after a couple months if my class schedule is still the same, my responsibilities at work are unchanged, and my relationship is in the same average state it has been in for the past couple of months I become frustrated and start looking for a way to change it.
So which of those three elements is the easiest to change? My relationship. I can't just drop out of school or leave work ( I need the education and the money). But my relationship...that seems to be disposible. So I break up with the poor guy because I'm so bored with the relationship that I'm no longer happy with that. So my relationships take the heat when I go through my restless modes. Thats horrible!
I love being in a relationship but I always become restless after a few months.
Maybe its my need for a change of scenery, and because nothing else in my life is changing...I change my status.

So college is coming at a good time for me. It's been about three months now that I've been without many obligations. I need some deadlines to meet and some new people to get to know. I guess for the next couple of months I need college.

But what after that?

I'm writing a book.
I'm always writing a book.
I want to be a writer, that is one of my passions. But I'm so lost with my work right now. I want to write a great manuscript, a wonderful story that I would love to read (if it had been written by someone else). I have a concept, I have a cast of wonderful characters, I've written bits of their adventures and conversations...but I don't have an overall direction for the book. I'm so stuck. I feel like I love these characters that I have created, but unfortunately they have no where to go, they just wander around having random conversations that don't tie together or in to a main story line.
Frustration and self-doubt seems to tie in nicely with writing.

I hate answering people when they ask me to explain what makes me so happy in life. I'm impossibly happy so I suppose this stumps my friends. I guess I am just happy to be living and have opportunities to find adventure, help others be happy, and share good times with my loved ones. But this answer hardly ever seems to satisfy... : )

Adventure. Excitement. Something Different. Hmm...I think I'll go find myself an adventure!

I have learned the most from a girl who I have known since we were in preschool together. We used to be best friends but grew apart and had conflicts throughout high school. She is one of the few people I have problems getting along with. Just recently I have been able to let go of much of my distaste for her and instead have seen how much I have learned about myself and life from her. Because of how repulsed I was by her minipulative acctions, attention grabbing antics, and depressive moods, I have become quite the opposite of her, loving life, letting others share the spotlight, and being selfless. I love my life, whereas she is often miserable with hers. Because of her I have learned how not to live, and who I don't want to be.

I believe that spirituality and religion serve many different purposes, but for many I feel that they serve as a place for people to feel that they belong, to find answers to their doubts about life, and often an explanation of why some people feel a certain connection between themselves, others, and the world.

A real effort from people world wide to learn foriegn languages and communicate on an international level with others, all the time presenting a willingness to attempt to understand others and learn about new views and opinions.

    This is my first blog entry here on Zaadz. I never knew about this online community before today but I have to say I'm loving the environment here.

    Now what to write? What's on my mind?

    I've been thinking about happiness lately. I have so many friends and people that I encounter every day that seem to be so distracted by their emotions, so distraught about money issues and troubles at work, so torn apart by unrequited loves. Although these issues are important, I wish I could show people how blissful it is to simply enjoy life if for no other reason than because they are alive. Everyday that I live is a chance for adventure and another opportunity for me to enjoy my life.

    I never had a harrowing, life changing experience. I never nearly escaped death, thus learning to appreciate life more. I have never been exceedingly religious or found joy in a higher power (though I am somewhat spiritual). I just live, I just love it.

    Typically, I didn't particularly enjoy life when I was in my young teen years but I didn't have a reason to hate it. One day I just had enough of not being happy and started finding ways to be happy or doing things that I enjoyed. I stoped hanging around people who were hurtful or who stood between myself and happiness. I've become an optimist.

    I want people to be happy, I want them to find their bliss and run with it. I always advise my friends to enjoy life, but I have come to realize that whether people choose to treasure what opportunities they have is a conscious decision that they will have to make themselves.

    I just wish happiness came as naturally as others as it does to me. At times I feel spoiled that I've found a way to live that makes life seem worthwhile to myself.